Relationship 2

Started : 1 Jan 2018
Ended : 12 Jul 2018

How we met: 

She was one of the Bridesmaids and I was one of the groomsmen of a wedding in Medan in September 2017.

We chatted on Instagram and moved to Line where I proceeded to call her regularly. (about 3-5 times weekly)
We met in Jakarta in November 2017 and in Medan December 2017 - Jan 2018 where we confirmed the relationship on 1 Jan 2018.

The relationship was a long distance one.

Why her:

Seems like a decent lady who comes from an okay family. She seems to be able to understand me and doesn't fuss too much on things and she could accept me the way I was. We hardly disagree on anything.

There has been very rare or close to no occurrence of me being jealous. She was okay with me not being able to drive in Medan.

Since we met during our common friend's wedding, mostly their relationship/wedding became a connecting topic. The frequent persuasion (or pushing) from that friend also helped.

Another strong contributing factor is the fact that I went on many tinder dates which developed into nothing, mostly because the ladies are not interested in me.

She makes me feel like I am quite mature as there are many things that I had advised her on.

The relationship:

It is a long distance relationship where most communication is via Line call.

meeting on average only one trip per month (so about 6 trips, 5 being me traveling back to Medan/ 1 being she traveling here, not including pre-relationship). Most of these are 3 or 4-day-trip.

There's hardly any occasion where I feel insecure. I was not as clingy as when I was in my first relationship. I do think that she cares a lot for me, I do care for her too but the feelings diminish pretty fast.

Why not her:

Perhaps all of the following are just self-justification, but here goes...

The true reason is that I realized that I do not have any strong feelings towards this girl. Actually, in the first place, there was no great attraction or expectations, therefore the break-up did not affect me that much.

After I think about, both of us do not have much common interest. We don't have the same taste in movies nor songs nor sports nor hobbies (except for photography but which she didn't really practice anymore).

In hindsight, most of our dates are quite boring, especially in Medan where the activities are only limited to: meal, coffee, watch movies and karaoke.

In any case, I was and am still always preoccupied with my own activities, especially since I am on a long distance relationship.

As I gradually became busier especially after I started going to gym, she felt that I was getting more and more detached by calling less frequently, and replying to message less fast, she asked for a one-week "time-off".

At the end of the time-off over the phone, she asked whether I still cared for her and there was a long pause from me which I think would have hurt her (but she probably would have expected that, ergo that question).

I do understand that a long-term relationship does not put much emphasis on feelings, but I do feel it is going to be a problem if I get too easily attracted to other girls.

Frankly I had also been trying to look for new friends during that time-off or one two weeks before, which kind of makes me an asshole.

Conclusion

It's over. The relationship only lasted seven shy months but I feel better to end it quickly rather than having to hurt her after much more time and resources are invested.

So far I have not yet found any particular replacement or new friends or target, neither have I redownloaded Tinder or tried Coffee Meets Bagel. For now, maybe just focus on improving myself first physically (gym) and mentally (more books).

First post in 2017

[backdated post]
I just came back to Singapore after a reasonably long Chinese New Year break.

I spent this CNY just like how I spent my other CNYs for the past few years: visiting and getting visited by extended family and relatives and catching up; receiving red packets; hanging out with friends and cousins; carried out the usual traditional Chinese prayers; getting probed on whether I'm already in a relationship with anyone; and getting nagged on that I should be in one because it's about damn time.


Whilst seeing your so many relatives and friends may bring you joy, it may also bring a bit of envy and gloom.

For instance, after seeing your best friends get married, you’d tend to start thinking whether they will still make time for you once they have kids. And even if they do, when they start talking they will probably get carried away with topics I'm not familiar with like how fast their kids are starting to grow up, etc.

Another example is to see how much progress that you friends and relatives are making on their road to success, be it in their career, taking further education or their own business.
I know it's not the CNY that I should be blaming, it's myself.


-RANTS ON CAREER-

I have gone through every freaking year without any solid resolution and yet I spending these years the same way: work to earn a little amount of money which is probably going to be spent on having fun and traveling. Despite the small amount that I earn, I'm quite happy that I still try to give some amount back to my parents (about half of my bonus usually). This year, I give less because I basically SPONSORED my whole family to Boracay!!! YAY!!


While lamenting on not being able to move on from the first job. Last year there was some improvement. I had 3 job interviews, was accepted by one company but rejected by two. I kind of regret rejecting the one that offered me a job because their offer didn't meet my minimum salary target, but let's hope there are better opportunities.

I am aware that I should probably set aside more time and focus more on looking for a job. Erick Zhang Qirui (was Erick Elfanso), a Medan senior from NUS told me that before he landed on his current job at BP Netherlands, he diligently spent 4 hours every day to do research and apply for new jobs for a good half a year. This makes my efforts seem very half-assed.

This year I shall persevere more. I hope to get a new good job with decent pay.


-RANTS ON ROMANCE-


Even in romance, I'm not sure what the fuck I am doing. I am still unable to move on. My mind is preoccupied with Bon almost on every occasion. 
After spending these few days back in Medan for CNY, I did realize that there are still plenty of eligible prospective long-term partners in the sea. It doesn't have to be Bon. Does it have to be Bon? She is better than Bon. They are better than Bon, younger than Bon and they look pretty too. But why the fuck I cannot get her out of my mind. Every. fucking. day.
Even if she's happier that we are just friends, there are times when I will feel very close to her like she's my sister, and there are times when she will make me feel so cold as if we are strangers.


Given her age (6 years older), even if some miracle were to happen and make the feelings between us mutual, it's not like it will go far. Both my parents will strongly disapprove her based on, not only the big age gap but also on the superstitious belief that 6 years age-gap is absolutely non-compatible. 

At times I feel that I'm non-existent to her. But yet she shared for my birthday gift twice (one for Miband plus Bluetooth speaker; and one for the action camera) and made me a personalized birthday card together with the rest.

Is it necessary to cut all ties to move on? or should I just confess but risk spoiling my friendship with the rest?