Bestman

-drafted on 29 November 2012-

I actually still cannot believe it that I actually got the honour to become the bestman and the ringbearer for Aldo's wedding

I'm really contented yet nervous, and always have the thoughts that I'm not worthy of the assignment..

But really really thanks so much to Aldo for putting that great trust in me and of course, a very very much of congrats to both Aldo and Adel for entering a new chapter of their life as husband and wife



*update*
so the procession was over, and to be right beside your friend at one of his biggest moment in his life is actually damn awesome!
:)

Childish

I am fully aware that my current most favorite things to enjoy, i.e. animes and related stuffs are generally childish interests/hobbies.

If you put it in a way, enjoying those things are like feeding that child so as to maintain that he is always contented.

Feed that child well with those stuff, and hence I will be a generally rational guy for the rest of the day/week. i.e. I will be a relatively much more mature man than I am when I am indulging myself with the weekly dose of anime episodes.

I just came to realization, that keeping him hungry, will simply cause myself to let it out.. The childish thoughts, which is normally clouded from logic; anger; irrationality; low threshold of irritability something probably very alike to the symptom of women's PMS.

Basically I have been deprived of my leisure time. I can still bear it if I miss my weekly episodes anime, but to be working for more than a full day on this particular weekend, which is at the same timing with the event that I pretty much look forward for one year long, is pretty damn annoying. I'm irritated to the point that I can probably just say it to my boss' face that I quit tomorrow. Tomorrow is the last day of that same event but it's also another meeting day, which is probably going to last more than a full day.

The fact I still have 6 days of leave from last year, (meaning 14 days of this year's leave are still untouched either, and another year is well in sight) and the stupid remark from the bigger boss like: "every time you take leave it is disruptive to the company", irritates me even more. By the way, despite the few downs this year, total MC taken since September 2011 = 0 days.

Too bad the fear is greater that the rage. Fear of not being able to get a new, better job; Fear of losing my longed year-end bonus (especially since it'll be a big waste at this kind of timing, for I have bear patience throughout the year despite my revered boss' (now ex-boss) departure from the company); Fear of fitting in to new environment, etc.

Therefore, for this child, presently, he needs to pretty much keep a low profile for now.
Oh yeah, don't forget the efforts that he has put as part of the year end Dinner and Dance Committee. It will all go to waste too if something childish were to happen for now.

But I should probably start drafting a good letter to be used next year...

First Job Luck

My supervisor (currently a senior manager) just told me that I had been really really lucky.
Apparently in history of Kajima Singapore, I was the highest paid fresh-graduate when the company hired me.

I felt happy for bit then it feels like I'm too narrow-minded just for feeling a bit happy for that.

That statement, however, did remind me to feel grateful for what the company has given me, but I wont forget either men should have high ambitions.
At least I should get a better job with better pay

first/second? crush

My first or probably second crush from when I was around primary 4 just got married.

It was funny because this is one of the events that was quite clear in my memory.. I think my first crush should be the cute girl who sat just beside me!!!!

but then the girl who sat behind me was really playful and asked me who is my crush in the class... I couldn't possibly tell her that I liked the girl who sat just beside me, it would have been really really awkward.
So after a quick glance in the class, i noticed there's this other cute girl (who is the one who just got married) that looked like shizuka.. So I told the girl who sat behind me that I like that girl.

see how cute is Shizuka for a guy when he was in primary 4? hahaha

Then I of course thanks to that idiot, maybe the whole class kinda knew and she never talked to me. But somehow I liked her a lot till I moved to secondary... maybe..? But I liked the cute girl who sat beside me too.. hahaha.. and I liked WWF Smackdown too!! 

Funny how she had grown a bit chubby, still looking cute and there were no feelings at all after secondary school haha.. Now she is married!! Gosh how time flies, and that was a short sweet one minute of reminiscing! haha

Inferiority Complex

I have been quite a confident man I think, in a very nonchalant manner. At least until two days ago when my boss brought me to eat at Summer Pavillion at Ritz Carlton Millenia.

It was mentioned to me that Ritz Carlton Millenia was one of the first 6-star hotel in Singapore before Fullerton, after it occurred to me that I realized the hotel interior was in par with (if not better than) Fullerton indeed, and I didnt quite notice it when we had our Company's Dinner and Dance at that place few months ago.

So, it was a dinner booked and sponsored by one of our big vendors, provided with 3 bottles of red and 2 bottles of white wine. The red, 21 year old Granges - Shiraz from Australia, which according to one of our consultants was Australia's best brand of wine which will cost you at least AUD500-800 per bottle. The white, I can't remember what was it, but definitely not the normal $40 of the Cold Storage shelf type.

One boss, one of my seniors (one boss' long serving employee), one of the consultant (which has gone through a very long way with boss), one pair of mid thirties successful lawyers, a high-class senior counsel level lawyer/arbitrator with his wife who seemed to have a background too (which was not disclosed), another Australian academic lawyer which was on his way to become a Queen's Counsel. If I was any luckier, I could have even seen one of Singapore's Justices (i.e. judges, we've only got a handful of those in Singapore).

Food was good, except for the smoked duck and bird nest dessert... They were great, the rest were just 'good'. Even cheaper ones might be better. Honestly it might have been a waste of money, but that's not the point. It was the experience, which was not as pleasant as the food.

Imagine what will you do if you were there: the lawyers will have topics like their experience on interesting matters such as maritime disputes, mining, etc; or their travelling experience to various places which I can not afford yet until now; or wines which they normally keep a crate or two at their place; or other expensive makan places which I have never heard of at all; or even simply getting caught for drink driving which reminded me of their (expensive) cars...

Once in awhile I get mentioned, out of courtesy, such as, 

"oh, we have only one who's not married here"

"yeah, the young one should still be capable of drinking/eating"

or something similar.

I simply had nothing to say or no good topic to offer. Not like in my colleague's badminton group where I would have had the most thing to say. I couldn't even bring myself to crack jokes like what would have come naturally when I'm with other friends; as I was much less knowledgable than them. 

Think about it: because all these lawyers, are people who have "made-it" with their own intelligence and hard efforts. They have much more money, experience, knowledge, intra-personal skill (how many clients/ legal opponents they would have faced), achievements, and even more brain than I do. These simply made me speechless and uttering some word would have probably made me sound foolish. Not that I didnt utter one at all. But I felt like I have a long way to go before I can converse on equal grounds.

Talking about lawyer, my degree is of course far less superior than them.

Of course, sure enough.. for a few times in a year, I would be fed with similarly excellent food. 

Wait, maybe I should rephrase.. 

Of course, sure enough.. for a few times in a year, I would be asked to tag along when boss feeds those kind of people.

I have had food from the restaurant Andre (Tanjong Pagar) which gives you no menu and serves you according to the chef's liking, which has costed around what could last me a month and a half, per head. If I were to pay for that dinner, would have costed me my whole one month's salary;

Shinji (Raffles Hotel), where the chefs, whose hairs were obliged to be clean shaved, were less around a meter apart from where you seat, cut the fishes in front of you and they will hope that you will treat them wine like some of the other rich customers; A dinner costed what could last a month of common food for me;

Mikuni (Fairmont Hotel) which once costed $2000 for 5 person's dinner, who served wagyu beef grilled to perfection;

Best peking duck from the Imperial Treasure Restaurants (tried Paragon and also from MBFC) not sure how much;

Few other places like Sze chuan court at Fairmont; Man Fu Yuan at Intercontinental Hotel; Wah Lok Cantonese Restaurant at Carlton Hotel; Regent Hotel; Sky at 57 at Marina Bay Sands; Royal Plaza at Scotts; etc. 

But as most of the time it was just "tagging along". it is therefore, inevitable that minds of such prowess, would invariably interact along the same train of thoughts/topics/matter. And the more lawyers you have, the less you would know what to talk about. The less better is what I would feel about myself, and despite what's supposed to be enjoyable, it was only as far as the taste buds.

And two days ago, similarly.. I kept quiet most of the time. But two days ago was the worst inferior complex experience. I comfort myself, though, by indulging in the thought that I am effectively the youngest of all and still has got a long way to go. At this rate, however, I'm not gonna make it. Not as fast as the lawyers for the very least.. Especially not with my current big boss who has made my Senior Manager (the ex-boss who hired me); another Senior Manager (ex-boss' ex-boss); and my Manager (my direct senior) resign.
And worse, blaming me for it, even though it was intended to be a joke, it's a very bad one. Seriously.

I am not grateful at all for such "benefits" even though these come directly from this big boss. Not a little at all

Fate/Zero

A guy has an ambition to bring world peace.

He walks the path to attain that, by seeking a wish-granting Grail

The path to attain the Grail costed him his loved ones.

He still walk the same path, willingly sacrificing his loved ones under the presumption that it will in the end benefited even much much more beings, i.e. humanity.

He reached the end of the path where he was offered by the Grail, to revive his loved ones, and eradicate the rest of humanity and then world peace is attained by doing so.

This is because the Grail recognized that in the end humans are the sole reason why world peace can't be attained

He chose to refuse the Grail's offer and instead destroy the Grail as his principle is still the same. The importance of the humanity outweighs his own desires.

In the end almost everything else remains, yet he had lost almost everything.

Soothing

After using smartphone (esp the high-end Galaxy Note) for quite sometime, I tend to spend the commuting time to engross myself in the ever addictive games, if not browsing facebook or 9gag.

Sometimes, I forgot how soothing it is to just to listen to my favourite [anime] music and just enjoy the scenery from the bus window.

(provided if I can get a seat)

Uncle's Crisis

We, the whole family, were on our way from Genting Highland to KL when my Mom received a Blackberry Messenger message from one of my cousins. She was asking my mom whether we had known the condition of her father.
My Dad took out his phone and called his sister, i.e. the mother of that cousin, Auntie, to ask what was wrong and the response was a frantic cry from her.

Uncle was admitted to ICU.

He was about to leave for Hong Kong, on that supposed-to-be-a-joyous-and-festive 1st day of 2012 when he  told Auntie that his leg felt weak and felt dizzy before he turned unconscious.

Uncle is famous, or rather notorious, for his appetite for good food and as we all know, the taste of food is always inversely proportional to how healthy the food is. Uncle, who was on medication control for his diabetes and hypertension, had never forgotten to offer (and eat) Durians whenever we visit him.

But almost every visit to his place has never been a really pleasant one. He would reprimand his youngest son, a soon to be poly-grad, for almost everything that he does. Sometimes they are justified scoldings, most of the time is out of emotion. His oldest son, already 30 something, is yet to be successful and probably still rely on Uncle on a lot of his finances. While Uncle's other two children are married brides. And these four people are very rarely a united bunch.

Was it the food? Was it the stress from the family? We were trying to aimlessly speculate on the cause of his stroke that put him to his coma. Nevertheless, Auntie also rationally realized that there's nothing much anyone of us could do anymore and only asked my dad to offer a prayer to wish for Uncle's speedy recovery over that phone call.

While my parents and my sisters headed to Penang before their flight back to hometown the next day, I headed back to Changi and spent sometime resting around the east. Then I went to the hospital, still with my backpack, still filled with dirty laundries. All of Uncle's children were already there, probably after taking their urgent flights from Medan and Sydney, and with Auntie and the youngest, the only two other who are living in Singapore.

As a indebted nephew, whom and whose parents had been offered place to stay by Uncle, whenever they come to visit me in Singapore, I could only feel obliged to accompany my Auntie and the rest at the ICU lobby. I couldn't offer to her much other than my presence and constant reminder to take care of herself and not to surrender on her despair due to this never-before-encountered crisis. More so because she didn't eat at all that day of Uncle's admission.

I also saw Uncle, still in ICU after his brain surgery, with drips, vent and pipes here and there: head, foot, wrist, neck, mouth, and also probably from his bottom (for excretion). Not a sight you could and would want to see everyday. It was not even this scary even when my Grandma passed away since she she decided to leave us peacefully after some failed treatment.

That first working week of January, I always reach home at 11.30pm to 12am almost everyday because I would be visiting them first after work. Most of the time, a lot of relatives of Uncle that I dont know at all. They would talk about Uncle's eating habit and temper, or how expensive the hospital bill was gonna be, or complain about how Uncle's sons should behave from this point onwards, etc. Auntie had also ask me to stay with her temporarily after I am back from CNY because the rest will have flown back to their own places, leaving behind only Auntie and the youngest, and Uncle of course, if he's already discharged from ICU by then.

The following weekend I stayed with them so I could accompany them. But, inside their house is like four countries at war in the house maybe with one scapegoat country, the youngest: Always scolded for the littlest (normally excusable) mistake. Uncle's sisters and brother (who also came from Medan) and me were staying there as guests.
Poor youngest one. He was always the subject of anger from the rest, without moderation, disregarding our presence as guests. Maybe due to that state adolescence, he also tends to fight back. More emotions are involved from both sides due to the apparent stress as tears accompanied the sister's shoutings that day. Started from something as trivial as the breakdown of a water boiler in the house.

You know, I always see myself as a poor little employee who still relies on petty salary to continue living. I am also spend trift and almost never wise on my financial decision. This makes me hate the phrase:
"Look at William".
To them I am probably a role model who is one step closer to success by having a permanent job and who is now independent and self-sustaining salaryman. I'd like to think that I am never *that* good , as there are too many people I know who's doing much better than me. It's probably a fair comparison to Uncle's oldest son, but is unfair because this phrase is only used to the youngest who's yet to graduate from his Poly study (funded with a scholarship from one of top government bodies). I am very tired of this "Look at William" because it's been used too often during this crisis.

The second week of Uncle in the ICU is over and he is yet to be discharged. Auntie did not look as depressed as the earlier days, which is good and the youngest is starting to learn to become independent in doing chores to alleviate Auntie's housework so that she can focus on taking care of Uncle in the future. Little by little, Uncle's condition also seems improving.

I am grateful that this didn't happen to my family. Although indeed this might happen to us one day, but I hope we, especially my parents, have taken back some learning points especially on anticipation and preparedness (mentally and financially). I will be accompanying Auntie for quite a while too and also will be wishing for what's best for them.

New Year Post!!!

Travelling is of course less-stressful than working, but it's much more tiring. (unless your work is not desk-bound). Albeit the festivities mood, December wasn't a very exciting kind of X'mas and New Year month for me.

1st week of Dec: Still a lot of adding up to the collections for my x'mas tree (always come back at 11pm-12am every day).

2nd weekend of Dec 2011. 9-11 Dec (Fri - Sun): Trip back to Medan to celebrate parents' Silver Anniversary. Practically a lot of eating, and a day for studio photoshooting.

12-15 Dec (Mon - Thu): Work, constant insinuating from one of my supervisor because she had to attend a big meeting without me due to the coming Korean Trip which I had informed her since 3 months prior to the trip and obtained approval from boss since 1 month before.

3rd to 4th weekend of Dec 2011. 16-23 Dec (Fri - the Next Sat): Trip to Korea. Basically a lot of waking up early, travellings to places, change hotels every 1 or 2 days.

Public + Company Hols Dec 2011.  24-25-26 Dec (Sat - Mon) Parents and Sisters come to visit. Basically a lot of travelling around Singapore + a day in USS.

27-30 Dec (Tue - Fri half day) Work: Constant complaint for my absence and working on things given to me when I was away that have short deadlines.

5th Weekend of Dec 2011. 30 Dec-2Jan (Fri halfday to Tue Morning): Trip to M'sia (KL and Genting) for New Year Celebration. Basically also a lot of travelling here and there.

Company Hols Jan 2012. 2-3 Jan (Mon-Tue): With my backpack from KL trip, Visited My uncle's family at Hospital and accompanied them for 2 days. My Uncle was admitted to ICU on 1st Jan.


Basically for the Month of December there was almost no quiet day where I can just rest and do my own things. There are some examples of the outstanding stuffs to be done due to the above hectic-ness (not sorted based on priority, especially stuff related to hobbies.):

1. Unwatched animes: You know I follow 5-6 animes every quarter (i.e. 5-6 episodes every weeks right after their broadcast in japanese TVs), no time to watch few titles. Only updated for the "priority titles". 1 episode is 20-25 minutes, 5-6 episodes every week is just around 2 hours/week

2. Unfinished laundry: Dried aundries scattered around my room untidied. I can't stand the mess but I am just too tired to tidy up 2 weeks worth of laundry left since late November + yesterday. Almost didn't do laundry in December

3. Work-in-progress in delay: The Gundam I had bought two months ago, I have 4-5 boxes to assemble and not even one is finished yet.

4. Picture upload: You know how tedious it is to select within 969 pictures to upload and probably from the potential 100-200 pictures I will still need to fix at least 40-50% of the fix because I can't fix the scratch or clean the dirt which is on the internal lens of my good olde' camera.

5. Drawing: I also plan to get back to the hobby and probably post some more silly stuff to the comic blog but, there's just not enough time.

6. I also plan to learn air brushing my gundam

7. I also plan to span substantial amount of time to photoshop and fit 140++ photos of xmas trees into a picture.

8. I also plan to take pictures of CNY decorations but not as extensive as the xmas trees.

9. I also need to shop to replace my shoes which now have hole in one of the pair, buy new cloth and CNY snacks.

10. I havent learnt to play any fingerstlye songs yet in my guitar.

11. Oh yah. And I want to sleep like 10 hours just for a day or two this month please...

12. I didn't even want to mention about exercising to lose the 2-3 kg I gained in December due to excessive consumptions at the trips
etc.