[backdated post]
I just came back to Singapore after a reasonably long Chinese New Year break.
I spent this CNY just like how I spent my other CNYs for the past few years: visiting and getting visited by extended family and relatives and catching up; receiving red packets; hanging out with friends and cousins; carried out the usual traditional Chinese prayers; getting probed on whether I'm already in a relationship with anyone; and getting nagged on that I should be in one because it's about damn time.
Whilst seeing your so many relatives and friends may bring you joy, it may also bring a bit of envy and gloom.
For instance, after seeing your best friends get married, you’d tend to start thinking whether they will still make time for you once they have kids. And even if they do, when they start talking they will probably get carried away with topics I'm not familiar with like how fast their kids are starting to grow up, etc.
Another example is to see how much progress that you friends and relatives are making on their road to success, be it in their career, taking further education or their own business.
I know it's not the CNY that I should be blaming, it's myself.
-RANTS ON CAREER-
I have gone through every freaking year without any solid resolution and yet I spending these years the same way: work to earn a little amount of money which is probably going to be spent on having fun and traveling. Despite the small amount that I earn, I'm quite happy that I still try to give some amount back to my parents (about half of my bonus usually). This year, I give less because I basically SPONSORED my whole family to Boracay!!! YAY!!
While lamenting on not being able to move on from the first job. Last year there was some improvement. I had 3 job interviews, was accepted by one company but rejected by two. I kind of regret rejecting the one that offered me a job because their offer didn't meet my minimum salary target, but let's hope there are better opportunities.
I am aware that I should probably set aside more time and focus more on looking for a job. Erick Zhang Qirui (was Erick Elfanso), a Medan senior from NUS told me that before he landed on his current job at BP Netherlands, he diligently spent 4 hours every day to do research and apply for new jobs for a good half a year. This makes my efforts seem very half-assed.
This year I shall persevere more. I hope to get a new good job with decent pay.
-RANTS ON ROMANCE-
Even in romance, I'm not sure what the fuck I am doing. I am still unable to move on. My mind is preoccupied with Bon almost on every occasion.
After spending these few days back in Medan for CNY, I did realize that there are still plenty of eligible prospective long-term partners in the sea. It doesn't have to be Bon. Does it have to be Bon? She is better than Bon. They are better than Bon, younger than Bon and they look pretty too. But why the fuck I cannot get her out of my mind. Every. fucking. day.
Even if she's happier that we are just friends, there are times when I will feel very close to her like she's my sister, and there are times when she will make me feel so cold as if we are strangers.
Given her age (6 years older), even if some miracle were to happen and make the feelings between us mutual, it's not like it will go far. Both my parents will strongly disapprove her based on, not only the big age gap but also on the superstitious belief that 6 years age-gap is absolutely non-compatible.
At times I feel that I'm non-existent to her. But yet she shared for my birthday gift twice (one for Miband plus Bluetooth speaker; and one for the action camera) and made me a personalized birthday card together with the rest.
Is it necessary to cut all ties to move on? or should I just confess but risk spoiling my friendship with the rest?
I just came back to Singapore after a reasonably long Chinese New Year break.
I spent this CNY just like how I spent my other CNYs for the past few years: visiting and getting visited by extended family and relatives and catching up; receiving red packets; hanging out with friends and cousins; carried out the usual traditional Chinese prayers; getting probed on whether I'm already in a relationship with anyone; and getting nagged on that I should be in one because it's about damn time.
Whilst seeing your so many relatives and friends may bring you joy, it may also bring a bit of envy and gloom.
For instance, after seeing your best friends get married, you’d tend to start thinking whether they will still make time for you once they have kids. And even if they do, when they start talking they will probably get carried away with topics I'm not familiar with like how fast their kids are starting to grow up, etc.
Another example is to see how much progress that you friends and relatives are making on their road to success, be it in their career, taking further education or their own business.
I know it's not the CNY that I should be blaming, it's myself.
-RANTS ON CAREER-
I have gone through every freaking year without any solid resolution and yet I spending these years the same way: work to earn a little amount of money which is probably going to be spent on having fun and traveling. Despite the small amount that I earn, I'm quite happy that I still try to give some amount back to my parents (about half of my bonus usually). This year, I give less because I basically SPONSORED my whole family to Boracay!!! YAY!!
While lamenting on not being able to move on from the first job. Last year there was some improvement. I had 3 job interviews, was accepted by one company but rejected by two. I kind of regret rejecting the one that offered me a job because their offer didn't meet my minimum salary target, but let's hope there are better opportunities.
I am aware that I should probably set aside more time and focus more on looking for a job. Erick Zhang Qirui (was Erick Elfanso), a Medan senior from NUS told me that before he landed on his current job at BP Netherlands, he diligently spent 4 hours every day to do research and apply for new jobs for a good half a year. This makes my efforts seem very half-assed.
This year I shall persevere more. I hope to get a new good job with decent pay.
-RANTS ON ROMANCE-
Even in romance, I'm not sure what the fuck I am doing. I am still unable to move on. My mind is preoccupied with Bon almost on every occasion.
After spending these few days back in Medan for CNY, I did realize that there are still plenty of eligible prospective long-term partners in the sea. It doesn't have to be Bon. Does it have to be Bon? She is better than Bon. They are better than Bon, younger than Bon and they look pretty too. But why the fuck I cannot get her out of my mind. Every. fucking. day.
Even if she's happier that we are just friends, there are times when I will feel very close to her like she's my sister, and there are times when she will make me feel so cold as if we are strangers.
Given her age (6 years older), even if some miracle were to happen and make the feelings between us mutual, it's not like it will go far. Both my parents will strongly disapprove her based on, not only the big age gap but also on the superstitious belief that 6 years age-gap is absolutely non-compatible.
At times I feel that I'm non-existent to her. But yet she shared for my birthday gift twice (one for Miband plus Bluetooth speaker; and one for the action camera) and made me a personalized birthday card together with the rest.
Is it necessary to cut all ties to move on? or should I just confess but risk spoiling my friendship with the rest?
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