Commencement?

I am not actually happy I graduated, with third class honours. It might be a degree not more challenging than technical degrees like engineering or science not as prestigious as Medicine Law or Dentistry and for getting only third class honours does not make me happy at all.

When I see how sons or daughters of other parents do them proud by achieving awards and medals or be the valedictorian of the ceremony by giving constant commitment to their education, it hurts me so much when I finally stopped ignoring how big my parents' support have been to me.

I did it: I graduated on time at least with an honours (and was in the verge of not getting one), and I am happy only to the extend of these facts:
1. that I won't be studying anymore, probably yes in the future, but not soon, or probably not, for good.
2. that my parents are happy I actually graduated from NUS.

Third class honours didn't give me much self esteem, nor satisfaction, but disappointment. Things could have been much better, probably if I had sacrificed more time, if I had been more committed, If I had put more effort. I haven't been cherishing the fact that I need to study since I'm just a lazy ass, but the feeling of not having putting my best-est of endeavors in my studies and actually using my parents money to study, sucks big time.

I felt so painful and so sad when a people could actually earn up to 9 awards individually during the ceremony, I felt I could have cried imagining how happy this girl's parents could be, with everyone in the hall cheering for her, and how I am just another one out of the many people. True, I might not possess talent or intelligence that she has, but when I imagine that it was not only her gift that was not wasted but also her unwavering diligence, without which I am sure she would not achieve those awards, I feel so sucky.

I am such a stupid creature, I know regrets don't and won't do any good to me but fuck it, I fucked up.
Sorry mom and dad,
Thank you mom and dad!