Inferiority Complex

I have been quite a confident man I think, in a very nonchalant manner. At least until two days ago when my boss brought me to eat at Summer Pavillion at Ritz Carlton Millenia.

It was mentioned to me that Ritz Carlton Millenia was one of the first 6-star hotel in Singapore before Fullerton, after it occurred to me that I realized the hotel interior was in par with (if not better than) Fullerton indeed, and I didnt quite notice it when we had our Company's Dinner and Dance at that place few months ago.

So, it was a dinner booked and sponsored by one of our big vendors, provided with 3 bottles of red and 2 bottles of white wine. The red, 21 year old Granges - Shiraz from Australia, which according to one of our consultants was Australia's best brand of wine which will cost you at least AUD500-800 per bottle. The white, I can't remember what was it, but definitely not the normal $40 of the Cold Storage shelf type.

One boss, one of my seniors (one boss' long serving employee), one of the consultant (which has gone through a very long way with boss), one pair of mid thirties successful lawyers, a high-class senior counsel level lawyer/arbitrator with his wife who seemed to have a background too (which was not disclosed), another Australian academic lawyer which was on his way to become a Queen's Counsel. If I was any luckier, I could have even seen one of Singapore's Justices (i.e. judges, we've only got a handful of those in Singapore).

Food was good, except for the smoked duck and bird nest dessert... They were great, the rest were just 'good'. Even cheaper ones might be better. Honestly it might have been a waste of money, but that's not the point. It was the experience, which was not as pleasant as the food.

Imagine what will you do if you were there: the lawyers will have topics like their experience on interesting matters such as maritime disputes, mining, etc; or their travelling experience to various places which I can not afford yet until now; or wines which they normally keep a crate or two at their place; or other expensive makan places which I have never heard of at all; or even simply getting caught for drink driving which reminded me of their (expensive) cars...

Once in awhile I get mentioned, out of courtesy, such as, 

"oh, we have only one who's not married here"

"yeah, the young one should still be capable of drinking/eating"

or something similar.

I simply had nothing to say or no good topic to offer. Not like in my colleague's badminton group where I would have had the most thing to say. I couldn't even bring myself to crack jokes like what would have come naturally when I'm with other friends; as I was much less knowledgable than them. 

Think about it: because all these lawyers, are people who have "made-it" with their own intelligence and hard efforts. They have much more money, experience, knowledge, intra-personal skill (how many clients/ legal opponents they would have faced), achievements, and even more brain than I do. These simply made me speechless and uttering some word would have probably made me sound foolish. Not that I didnt utter one at all. But I felt like I have a long way to go before I can converse on equal grounds.

Talking about lawyer, my degree is of course far less superior than them.

Of course, sure enough.. for a few times in a year, I would be fed with similarly excellent food. 

Wait, maybe I should rephrase.. 

Of course, sure enough.. for a few times in a year, I would be asked to tag along when boss feeds those kind of people.

I have had food from the restaurant Andre (Tanjong Pagar) which gives you no menu and serves you according to the chef's liking, which has costed around what could last me a month and a half, per head. If I were to pay for that dinner, would have costed me my whole one month's salary;

Shinji (Raffles Hotel), where the chefs, whose hairs were obliged to be clean shaved, were less around a meter apart from where you seat, cut the fishes in front of you and they will hope that you will treat them wine like some of the other rich customers; A dinner costed what could last a month of common food for me;

Mikuni (Fairmont Hotel) which once costed $2000 for 5 person's dinner, who served wagyu beef grilled to perfection;

Best peking duck from the Imperial Treasure Restaurants (tried Paragon and also from MBFC) not sure how much;

Few other places like Sze chuan court at Fairmont; Man Fu Yuan at Intercontinental Hotel; Wah Lok Cantonese Restaurant at Carlton Hotel; Regent Hotel; Sky at 57 at Marina Bay Sands; Royal Plaza at Scotts; etc. 

But as most of the time it was just "tagging along". it is therefore, inevitable that minds of such prowess, would invariably interact along the same train of thoughts/topics/matter. And the more lawyers you have, the less you would know what to talk about. The less better is what I would feel about myself, and despite what's supposed to be enjoyable, it was only as far as the taste buds.

And two days ago, similarly.. I kept quiet most of the time. But two days ago was the worst inferior complex experience. I comfort myself, though, by indulging in the thought that I am effectively the youngest of all and still has got a long way to go. At this rate, however, I'm not gonna make it. Not as fast as the lawyers for the very least.. Especially not with my current big boss who has made my Senior Manager (the ex-boss who hired me); another Senior Manager (ex-boss' ex-boss); and my Manager (my direct senior) resign.
And worse, blaming me for it, even though it was intended to be a joke, it's a very bad one. Seriously.

I am not grateful at all for such "benefits" even though these come directly from this big boss. Not a little at all