How to fail your interview

Okay, so when you apply for something and you've got to attend the interview, you would normally want to pass the interview and be accepted for that something.
But at times when you found out that you don't want it anymore, here are the tips and tricks from Rough to mild.

1. Be mindful of your actions:
Commit any criminal actions to the interviewer.
Murder, sexual harassing, steal his belongings and flee, physical assault in any forms, etc.
This will sure list you out from not only the interviewer but also the society. Instead of being admitted to company, you'll be admitted to jail

2. Usage of languages:
*Use offensive language against the interviewer will sack you from the interview.
*Also you can use any language that the interview seem not to understand. Like you know that the interviewer is a Chinese who is using English to conduct the interview and you know Vietnamese language, use Vietnamese during the interview and refuse to talk in English.
*Or, you can don't use any language at all a.k.a remain silent throughout the interview and refuse to talk.
* Another option is to use offensive body language! Middle finger, wtf sign and etc..

3. Appearance:
You can have any conduct that will offend the interviewer such as:
* Wearing inappropriate dress like boxer and singlet for your company job interview; might not work if you are applying to be an athlete or something casual.
* Or maybe not even wearing any apparel at all might work. That is if you can pass the security; might not work if you are applying to be a porn actor/actress; or any similar stuffs.

4. Manners:
Always be aware of your manners towards your interviewer:
* Sneeze and let the phlegm out from your nostrils dangling, wipe em out slowly and steadily with your handkerchief or tissue and put it on the interviewer's desk.
* dig your nose or ears and ask them to repeat what they ask because you were digging your ears.
* Face the interviewer and scratch your buttocks; Might not work if your interviewer is a pervert and if you are a sexy person.
* Yawn and just sleep on the spot.
*etc.

5. Attitude:
instill the correct mindset on yourself. Have a full control of your attitude and what you are going to say:
* Answering the questions appropriately.
- When they ask for your name, answer "I don't give a damn". Doesn't work if that's actually your name.
- When they ask for the place which you come from, answer "My mother's womb, what's your problem?"
- When they ask for your reason for participating in the interview, answer "Isn't it obvious? to get a job" or answer "for fun"
- When they ask "why should we choose you", answer "Good question!"
- If you can't answer any question, just laugh

* Express the correct attitude.
- Display a cocky face, sit with your one of your leg on top of your another leg and smoke your cigar inside the interview room.
- Be confident of yourself that you are going to fail
- Explain your curriculum vitae and how good you are in screwing up in your past experiences.
- Convince the interviewer that you have the will not to learn
- Promise the interviewer you will contribute to your best in bringing the company down

So, those are the tips and tricks to fail your interview.
However again, despite those tips and tricks, everything depends on yourself and the company.
These might work the other way if you are being interviewed as a patient in an mental asylum.
And for the rest, good luck!

scribblings by William